Spring!

The Spring Peepers have been serenading me these last few weeks with their beautiful chirping songs...the daffodils have been peeping through the layers of dead leaves, and the moss growing in the middle of our swampy backyard suddenly glows fluorescent green, imbued with new life.

I've cleaned our my pantry, gathering all the little dibs and dabs of dry crumbs and stale crackers and un-toasted acorns for the critters of the swamp. My offerings disappeared within hours! (The acorns were from the fall, I was going to toast them into acorn meal and make coffee and cookies out of them, but the process is very lengthy, the last thing I need to do with 2 littles ones right now. But who knows, maybe next year!)

I've cleaned our my art cabinets. All the random little paper clips, unwanted key chains, half dried up tubes of paint, and dried up play dough have finally been set aside for trash! The shelves are no longer jam-packed with every kind of odds and ends. They are all filled, but not over-flowing. The temporary harmony is a welcome surprise every time I open the cabinet door.

The old lamps in my bedroom have been replaced. I used to have those tapping lights, but somehow, when I plug in two lamps operate by touch instead of by a switch, they become connected circuit-wise, and when you touch one at night to read a book, the other one flickers, or spontaneously turns one at its brightest setting! It feels good to have a simple, functioning lamp at my side!

I've cleaned out my closet, removing things that I used to wear 10 or more years ago, but of which I have tired: things not very flattering, things that don't fit well, things of which I own multiples, and things that got kinda worn out, like my nubby scarves. Bags I never use.

I'm making room in my life for art, for beauty, for things we need, and food we enjoy. I am looking forward to creating, to painting, to owning less but more elegant and substantial clothes that reflect my true style rather than just catch my eye in a sales bin. I'm looking forward to more authenticity, more intentional living, and more grace this year! Happy spring, and happy Eideh Norooz. May it be a new day--a new leaf--for all!

Love,
Lady Eowyn

All Natural Medicine Cabinet

Assalamu Alaikum!

I've been slowly accumulating more natural and healthy alternatives to the standard OTC medicines out there, so I want to share some of my favorite items below. As always, these remedies don't take the place of proper sleep, rest, nutrition, and exercise! It is difficult to tell when a homeopathic medicine is working b/c it is not filled with lots of sugar or alcohol or things that have immediate and dramatic effects, but I have felt the difference and seen it in my children.

Elderberry Syrup

When everyone around you is getting sick and you just want to bolster your child's immune system, try Elderberry syrup. You can try it for adults, too:

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Boiron Cold or Flu Calm

When the first symptoms of a cold or flu appear, pop a few of these tablets (follow specific instructions). Boiron offers homeopathic remedies for both cold and flu. I found mine at Trader Joe's.

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Garlic Drops

If your young child has a runny nose and they are pre-disposed to getting ear infections, try garlic drops. When my eldest daughter was still a young toddler she got multiple ear infection and suffered from the antibiotics b/c the bacteria were developing resistance. Then a friend told me about garlic drops, and since I started using them we have never had any ear infections!!! Alhamdulellah. If a young toddler or baby has a runny nose, I simple give one or two drops, two or three times a day, to help prevent an infection from developing in their under-developed ear canals. This has been one of the BEST natural items in my medicine cabinet!! You an also make your own in a pinch, following these instructions: http://wellnessmama.com/58936/garlic-olive-oil-for-ear-infection/

Nose Frida

When the little ones have tons of mucus and congestion, I bust out my nose frida. A good friend introduced this one to me as well, but I was skeptical at first. I was concerned that I'd be ingesting some of that stuff, but I was assured that no such thing would happen. Instead, I had the satisfaction of watching all that wretched material exit the little nostrils of my uncomfortable children, this leaving them less at risk to developing a nasty sinus infection up there. Before I used it, I would spray some saline nose spray in each nostril first. You can't use the nose frida too often b/c the membranes of the nose are quiet delicate and you don't want to agitate it too much.

Umcka

If you have a cold or flu, try Umcka. It will help your body heal faster, not just mask the symptoms. Dr. Christiane Northrup of Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom mentioned it in one of her books as a wonderful natural remedy. Its safe for pregnant and nursing mothers, which makes it wonderful to have on hand!

And now for essential oils.

Coughs & Congestion

When someone is stuffed up or has a cough, I mix 2-3 drops of eucalyptus essential oil with about a tablespoon of carrier oil, such as jojoba or coconut, and rub it on the chest and the soles of feet. (Never use essential oil undiluted! Never leave them within reach of children. Never ingest them unless you have consulted a professional, they are powerful and can cause damage internally!)

Virus

When my children have a virus, I mix 2-3 drops of four thieves essential oil (also known as on-guard) with a tablespoon of carrier oil, and rub it on the soles of the feet, or pit a few drops on a tissue so they can just inhale it. This mix has cloves, lemon, rosemary, eucalyptus, and cinnamon in it.

Fever

When my children have a fever, I use lavender essential oil, or peppermint, in the same way described above (mixing with a carrier oil), and apply it to their feet and the base of their spine. A few drops of lavender oil on their pillow  helps them sleep at night, especially if they aren't feeling well and are restless.

A diffuser might be excellent for using some of these! I don't have one so I just put a few drops of the desired oil straight into my inexpensive cool mist humidifier.

Additional items to keep on hand, especially if you have young ones:

Arnica

Toddlers are bruise magnets! The sharp corner of the wall or the pointy edge of the table--those are what I notice first when I enter a new space. The are the first things my kids' heads are likely to contact as they start running around. Keep this little homeopathic tube on hand to treat bruises and achy muscles, it helps them heal faster and deal a bit with the pain!

Activated Charcoal

This natural detoxifier is important to keep on hand as a first aid for poison control! It absorbs whatever toxin your child may have ingested. I suggest buying a bag of loose charcoal, and not the capsule, so you don't have to mess around with the capsule (I know my kids would not swallow such a capsule). In case of emergency, mix a bit with water and squirt it into your child's mouth using those little medicine syringes that come with fever reducer meds. It is DEFINITELY messy if you decide to go with the loose, powder form instead of the capsule, but that is just my own personal preference. (The bonus is that you can use it for other health and beauty fixes).

I hope these items help you as much as they have helped me! :)

Favorite Books

I have a confession: I LOVE children's books!!! Specifically, I love looking at the pictures of children's books. I borrow as many as I can from the library for my own pleasure. Here are some favorites, both to own in the house for the good messages, and to just enjoy the pictures or story.

To Teach Behavior

Potty by Leslie Patricelli
I've looked through several potty books for kids and really liked this one:



Leslie's drawings and words are very, very simple, which is awesome b/c you don't need a lot of complicated explanations!


No No Yes Yes by Lesli Patricelli
More very simple instructions on acceptable behavior, and unacceptable behavior! For example: dumping a bowl of food on your head? No No! Eating nicely from said bowl? Yes yes. I found mine at Marshall's for like $3 and its been worth it!


For the Joy of the Pictures

Mossy by Jan Brett
I LOVE moss so it was important to check out this book, and the illustrations do NOT disappoint!! Its the story of a little Eastern Box Turtle who starts growing a wild garden on her back. This wild display attracts the attention of both a handsome young turtle, and an aspiring museum owner! I loved looking at all the different moss types illustrated so carefully.



Molly and the Magic Wishbone by Barbara McClintock
Barbara McClintock's tiny details and gentle kitty cat characters were so charming. I am not crazy about all the reference to magic in children's books, but I was willing to overlook it for the adorable cat family's children. You can also check out her other books, including Dahlia.






To Teach Islam

Golden Domes and Silver Lanterns by Hena Khan
I was so excited when my mom borrowed this book from her library for my girls! I ended up buying Princess Buttercup her own copy, and we recently had it signed by the author! It takes us through a Muslim girl exploring her Islamic heritage, from her mom's blue hijab to the golden domes of the local masjid,



Aminah and Aisha's Eid Gifts by Fawzia Gillani-Williams
This is a very touching story about a Muslim family who think of other's needs during the exciting time of Eid. I really appreciated the message and thought it made a wonderful story. It was well-written, which doesn't always happen when we are looking at Muslim books for children, unfortunately. However, I am hoping there will be a whole new era of great Muslim children's books! You can find this on Amazon.



My Little Golden Book About God by Jane Werner Watson
(Illustrated by Eloise Wilkin)
This next one is one of my all-time favorites!!! I use the word "Allah" where it says God, and it honestly sounds like it was written by a Muslim. It provides a great spiritual overview of our relationship to Allah, the Creator, who is still loving and near. Eloise Wilkin's very innocent illustrations really make this book. To me, it captures the purity of children, and the beauty and innocence of their little hearts. I also love this book b/c I very vividly remember reading it as a child. Or rather, I don't remember reading it at all, but I remember the pictures!

Parenting Update

Over the last year, I've made so many desperate calls to friends and family wiser than I in regards to better parenting techniques! I've done it in moments of sheer desperation, when I felt like a total pushover or failure, because I didn't know how to manage my child.

But guess what?

Right now, sitting on my couch at the end of the day, I feel like I have suddenly seen a big change in both my children AND myself! And that is something to acknowledge, celebrate, and share!!

I'm not saying I'm a perfect parent (is there such a thing?), or that I have the most well-behaved children. But I do see an improvement from before, and I want to share what I feel contributed to these improvements.

1.) Say what you mean, mean what you say.
So many times we try to threaten our kids into doing what we want. But we use a false threat, like saying that if they don't get dressed they'll stay home alone, or skip dinner, or something else we are not actually planning on doing!! So stop using false threats! If you say it, DO IT. And if you don't plan on acting on it, DON'T SAY IT. Kids are so smart and they really pick up on it!

2.) No more "1-2-3"
It was becoming second nature for me and Faramir to start counting "1-2-3" when we told our kids to do something. "I want you using the bathroom RIGHT NOW!...ONE...........twoooooooo......." It got to the point where I was almost always counting. But basically, what I was saying was, here is a brief window of time where its OK to ignore my request. So we no longer do the "1-2-3." Instead, I make a request, and I immediately expect them to follow through. I'm not building in any dissent into my request!

3.) Choices & consequences
One really nice thing that has worked is presenting the request with options. I say, "you can either do X by yourself, or I can help you do it. Which do you choose?" Sometimes, my kid will immediately ask for my help. And sometimes, knowing that I am on her tail, she will immediately say that she will do it by herself! It has been incredibly helpful!

4.) Articulate some family rules.
After 100 times of slapping my own forehead when I saw my kids doing something ridiculously mean or unsafe, I decided to draw up a family rule chart. I kept it short and simple, with only 5 rules and pictures to accompany them. Anytime I see my child doing something "bad", I point to the rules and remind her: "what you are doing is bad/ dangerous/ mean/ selfish/ dirty/ etc. In our family, we have a rule to always do X." The pictures are very helpful for my oldest. The youngest has to learn through trial and error, but she is also picking up!

5.) Be consistent.
I guess I was too lazy or lackadaisical with my time-outs before. I couldn't do it to a cute little 2 year old. Or, I would use a public and well-lit part of the house, so it wasn't a big deal. Now, when my oldest is doing something particularly dangerous or disrespectful, I will warn her ONCE that if she continues, there will be specific consequences, like time out alone in the basement. She hates it so it is a perfect opportunity to provide a deterrence! My youngest is too little to be sent to the basement, but I DO give her timeouts and warnings so that it is fair for both children. And if I say I am going to give a timeout, I act on it for sure!

These are basic parenting steps I've read here and there, but its amazing how hard it can be to follow through if you are in an unhealthy groove. By the same token, they are simple changes to make and I really appreciate how helpful they have been in communicating values to the kids!!!

Also, I try to be gentle, clear, loving, and explain things to my kids (duh! I know most of us do! :p). By that, I mean that I try to stay away from SHAMING little ones when they have done something bad, unless it was on purpose and very destructive or dangerous. You might remember my potty-training rage with Princess Buttercup earlier. It was challenging, and there are still some incidents. But overall, she has improved SO MUCH when I calmly choose to take care of the mess instead of getting angry with her!!! She feels proud of herself for her accomplishments, as she should. And so do I! But I also feel proud of myself for keeping an even temper (most of the time). And when I back off, it gives her a chance to express her own regret and take responsibility! She'll apologize for something she has done, and even make suggestions for improvements, like helping to clean up, or promising that next time she will use the toilet.

I feel so thankful for the little changes I see in my parenting and how my children respond, and so thankful for the sources of inspiration, whether a trusted friend or a new book. Here's to more peace in our homes and more treasured moments with our children!

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What are some of your best discoveries about parenting techniques?

January

This first month of the new year can bring many changes, or few, depending on the weather. Mostly in the past, I have found myself hibernating--wrapped in a cocoon of muffin aroma as I bake happily while Faramir and the children are out in the snow. This year, I have simple pleasures to make me appreciate this cold and temperamental month. So here are a few good things:

--finding inspiration to take back my own mind from the hegemonic discourse at play in my own country, from the Islamophobe machinations of the media. I ran across this brief talk by Dr. Tariq Ramadan and it was so refreshing to be reminded that I as a Muslim am living as a minority in the dominant culture of American society, a culture that informs me everyday that my value in life is as a consumer. I am realizing a lot of my happiness depends on whether or not I have the money to make my dreams come true!! On the one hand, we all need to get by on some basic income, and I wouldn't say that it is materialistic to desire good, healthy food for your family or a comfortable, safe home. But it is so critical to remember that we are AT WAR with consumerism, with the idea that we must embrace the dunya and find our value in accumulating things, achieving a certain image, all at the expense of our own fitra, the true nature of our souls. I feel so grateful for Br. Ramadan's words b/c they feel like a shake to a dozing soul: wake up and reclaim mind from being colonized! Wake up and take back the power to think, to serve others, to choose what is good for myself instead of going along with a dominant culture that wants to lull me to sleep!

--finding the joy of work! and reminders of simpler times...
Growing up, Little Women (1994) was one of my absolute favorite movies for the moving story of four sisters trudging through mild poverty during the Civil War and meeting their every day challenges with such strength of spirit! I also loved the soulful, bittersweet music score!

I thought I knew the story well until I ran across the book on CD and began to listen to Louisa May Alcott's little masterpiece during any commutes. It has been such a wonderful story in which I could loose myself for hours--the every day details are fantastic. It has been such an inspiration to me to really value work as a tool of worship and improving our lives. And by work, I mean the kind that feels unimportant in today's world: house work. Tonight, I was inspired to confront one of my long-time enemies: the ironing pile. I have dreaded ironing for years, and the mountain of dress shirts growing quietly in the corners of my laundry room speaks for itself. But tonight I felt so different about my task, and approached it with energy and determination, wanting to emulate the innocent girls of the March family who put their heart and soul into the little tasks that were before them. I'm grateful for anything that makes me enjoy taking care of my home and feeling industrious!

This is definitely a book I want my girls reading when they are older, inshallah.

--people who help your dreams and ideas become reality!
I am an idea-generating machine sometimes, but have the hardest time making them come to reality. Inshallah once things get rolling I will share more what I am working on, but right now, alhamdulellah I am so grateful for the chance to see something from my head gain flesh and a physical dimension!

--finding forgiveness and grace in my heart so I can move on with my life!
It is so freeing to not hold on to a grudge. Sometimes it helps to distance ourselves from "toxic" people. Sometimes, it can't be helped, we see them everywhere. It is such a gift from Allah if we can just have that toxic element be neutralized!

--Trader Joes mini mint ice cream mouthfuls!
These little babies are light, refreshing, but not too overpowering. I have NEVER been a fan of mint chocolate chip ice cream but I think I put away 5 little minis in one setting!!

--crafting with the chilluns
For an artsy person, it seems strange that I have avoided crafts with my children until now. Perhaps I've just been afraid of all the messes I would have to clean up. Perhaps I felt too overwhelmed with cleaning up other necessary messes to even speculate about making unnecessary ones. But here I am, my babies are asking and enjoying the creative process, and I am loving being by their side!

--Woman Code goodness
There are so many mysteries wrapped up in the menstrual cycle: random cramps, late starts, early finishes, strange new colors. Throw in any kind of hormonal contraceptive or IUD and you've go a surefire cookbook in German, as far as I'm concerned. Totally unguessable! So I'm really thankful that I ran across Alisa Vitti's Woman Code via Ted Talks. I signed up for the free, super informative newsletters and was so impressed with all the period decoding that I ended up buying the book. It has tons of natural ways to work with your body in all 4 of the phases we experience in one month (I'm embarrassed to say I didn't even know the names of all 4! Or that they existed!). So here I am, eating the right foods for my phase, and I think I am seeing results, folks!!

And now, I hope to have some time to return to one of my favorite pastimes, and create some new muffin recipes!

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What are your favorite things this January?

On the Struggles of Motherhood

Photo Credit: Haqqanisoul.com

Motherhood.

I can truly say that I could never, ever have imagined the magnitude of love one feels for his or her child.

But I did have an inkling, and I knew I wanted to be a mother, even when I had no idea what career path I would follow in high school. And I thought it would look like something from above....Me, the wise mature gracious mommy, ever so patiently guiding my little ones, teaching them about life, walking through the grass, drinking smoothies, hanging out in tree houses or something.

Fast forward about 15 years: as a proud mama to two lil girls, you can imagine how much sunshine I am basking in everyday.

But then there is the struggle!!!

Man oh man, the struggle is very, very real. Especially as a stay-at-home-mom! The struggle to maintain patience with your children's short commings when they disobey, pick up new habits like screaming, destroying your property, loosing valuable anniversary jewelry, or revert to old behavior...especially when it comes to the potty.

I have to say that part of me expected all this. But just, NOT to this extent. Its the other end of the emotions spectrum, just like how you could never imagine how much love you feel for your child. The frustrations of daily life can, and have, taken me by surprise. It just takes me from bliss to crazy in like .2 seconds!


Photo Credit: Martinisandmotherhood.com

To feel your crazy coming out, to know that you look like a deranged whench to the eyes of innocent little ones, is one of the most disappointing and humbling experiences of motherhood for me. Sometimes, I can't believe I have become "that mom."

Come one, you know the one. The one talking to mean to the cutest little kid while waiting in line at Target. I swore I would TOTALLY be SO MUCH better than that mom when I was blessed with children.

But the truth of the matter, is that kids bring out your crazy. They FIND buttons you didn't know existed! They exploit your weakness.

They are constantly pushing the boundaries, trying to find what mom will accept, and won't.

On this particular evening, its Princess Buttercup who found a button. Its the button that got pushed after potty training for months and months and months, only to see a very big girl sit there and totally have an accident while watching a cartoon. And then NOT EVEN blink an eye, stop, try to run to the bathroom.

Did I mention that I have wall to wall carpeting?

I mean, I've cleaned up countless messes, but feeling like there is no improvement in bladder control, or the lack of taking responsibility for using the bathroom really, really got to me tonight! It just felt like I would be doing.this.for.ever!!!

Sometimes, it feels like that.

But then, alhamdulellah, I stopped myself from letting out a scream, or spanking, as I very badly wanted to do.

I had prayed to Allah this morning for strength and patience with my littles, and subhanallah, I really feel like He gave it to me this afternoon. While I wasn't Miss Cool, I did manage to keep it together long enough to vent to the hubby, and then to a more experienced friend. And that helped.

It helped to keep the big picture in mind.

It helped to hear that there is actually a hadith, urging parents to not speak harshly to children in these particular circumstances (who knew?)!

And it helped to remember who I want to be as a mom. Because that is the job that can change the world, and as much as I felt a ton of rage for not being able to accomplish one of the most basic tasks, I WILL give myself grace for that.

And I will give Princess Buttercup grace, too.

I pray to Allah for more strength, for everyday to come as a parent, so that I can be who I want to be, not what I have seen in the past, not the darkest me that is possible, but the BEST me.

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What are your biggest struggle as a parent? Have you recently seen the light at the end of the tunnel for a particular situation? Are there any hadith or ayah in particular that have helped you keep your sanity on the journey of motherhood?

On the Daily Struggle for Hijab

I recently wrote of the what and why of hijab. But I wanted to ask those of you who do regularly practice hijab: do you ever struggle with wanting to take it off?

Its a dark thought that has flitted through my mind from time to time, but lately, it has become a more constant visitor....and that disturbs me.

On the one hand, it is to be expected. The society I'm living in values beauty and youth. Everywhere I look I am seeing the drive for both achieving a gorgeous physique, and DISPLAYING this physique. And then, commenting on it!!

But that's not really what gets to me. At least, not so much a conscious level.

On the day to day, what gets to me lately is the heat!! Its the sweaty feeling of having a few extra layers so that my long shawl can cover the low neckline of the T-shirt I have paired with a cardigan, for instance.

Or, its the fact that I can't just pop my head out the door to take out the trash or bring my child in from the back yard, where neighbors could easily look down at me from their windows.

A couple of days ago, it was really getting to me. As I prepared to take Princess Buttercup and Honeysuckle to the playground, I felt the angry rumblings in my mind as I reached for a clean outfit that met all my requirements. I started to mentally check-out, knowing that if I remained present I'd just be hearing a few Shaytany whispers of why I had better just take it off and keep some sanity!

Then a funny thing happened. As soon as I opened the door, I saw that my neighbors were having some construction work done to their front yard. There was some laborers digging out in the front yard, just a few steps away from where I'd be walking. A quick glance at them told me that they were the kind of guys who always had eyes for a woman--any woman!

Let me stop and say that I know this sounds a bit prejudiced of me presuming I know the behavior of strange men I have never met. But really, I'm just going on experience and instinct!

I confidently strode past them with my girls, knowing that, thankfully, my body was my own, and that even if they were still interested in trying to catch a glimpse of my silhouette, they'd have to have x-ray vision to objectify me.

And THAT is the beauty of hijab!

To know that my body is mine, and that someone can't really imagine me naked b/c I've taken some simply precautions.

I think THAT is the dignity Allah wants for us. And even though He didn't necessarily tell me to go and buy some rayon or polyester outfit to sweat like a pig in late August heat, it becomes worth it to endure some discomfort to maintain my dignity.

Alhamdulellah.

Afterwards, I ran home as fast as our playground date was up to cool-off. The moral of this story is to always wash your cool summer hijab outfits, and have them ready for the next day!!