Wednesday, September 2, 2015

On the Struggles of Motherhood

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I can truly say that I could never, ever have imagined the magnitude of love one feels for his or her child.

But I did have an inkling, and I knew I wanted to be a mother, even when I had no idea what career path I would follow in high school. And I thought it would look like something from above....Me, the wise mature gracious mommy, ever so patiently guiding my little ones, teaching them about life, walking through the grass, drinking smoothies, hanging out in tree houses or something.

Fast forward about 15 years: as a proud mama to two lil girls, you can imagine how much sunshine I am basking in everyday.

But then there is the struggle!!!

Man oh man, the struggle is very, very real. Especially as a stay-at-home-mom! The struggle to maintain patience with your children's short commings when they disobey, pick up new habits like screaming, destroying your property, loosing valuable anniversary jewelry, or revert to old behavior...especially when it comes to the potty.

I have to say that part of me expected all this. But just, NOT to this extent. Its the other end of the emotions spectrum, just like how you could never imagine how much love you feel for your child. The frustrations of daily life can, and have, taken me by surprise. It just takes me from bliss to crazy in like .2 seconds!

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To feel your crazy coming out, to know that you look like a deranged whench to the eyes of innocent little ones, is one of the most disappointing and humbling experiences of motherhood for me. Sometimes, I can't believe I have become "that mom."

Come one, you know the one. The one talking to mean to the cutest little kid while waiting in line at Target. I swore I would TOTALLY be SO MUCH better than that mom when I was blessed with children.

But the truth of the matter, is that kids bring out your crazy. They FIND buttons you didn't know existed! They exploit your weakness.

They are constantly pushing the boundaries, trying to find what mom will accept, and won't.

On this particular evening, its Princess Buttercup who found a button. Its the button that got pushed after potty training for months and months and months, only to see a very big girl sit there and totally have an accident while watching a cartoon. And then NOT EVEN blink an eye, stop, try to run to the bathroom.

Did I mention that I have wall to wall carpeting?

I mean, I've cleaned up countless messes, but feeling like there is no improvement in bladder control, or the lack of taking responsibility for using the bathroom really, really got to me tonight! It just felt like I would be doing.this.for.ever!!!

Sometimes, it feels like that.

But then, alhamdulellah, I stopped myself from letting out a scream, or spanking, as I very badly wanted to do.

I had prayed to Allah this morning for strength and patience with my littles, and subhanallah, I really feel like He gave it to me this afternoon. While I wasn't Miss Cool, I did manage to keep it together long enough to vent to the hubby, and then to a more experienced friend. And that helped.

It helped to keep the big picture in mind.

It helped to hear that there is actually a hadith, urging parents to not speak harshly to children in these particular circumstances (who knew?)!

And it helped to remember who I want to be as a mom. Because that is the job that can change the world, and as much as I felt a ton of rage for not being able to accomplish one of the most basic tasks, I WILL give myself grace for that.

And I will give Princess Buttercup grace, too.

I pray to Allah for more strength, for everyday to come as a parent, so that I can be who I want to be, not what I have seen in the past, not the darkest me that is possible, but the BEST me.


What are your biggest struggle as a parent? Have you recently seen the light at the end of the tunnel for a particular situation? Are there any hadith or ayah in particular that have helped you keep your sanity on the journey of motherhood?

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