Ramadhan Musings

Ramadhan.

Whew! What. A. Month.

I have been thinking and planning and trying to prepare for Ramadhan for a while.

First, I had my fasts from last year to make up.

Then, I wanted to buy decorations....and make cookies for all our neighbors....and make an advent-style Ramadhan calendar. AND I was teaching at a children's camp during the blessed month. And lets not forget, I wanted to READ the beloved book. I wasn't naiive enough to think I'd get through the whole thing with everything going on, so I set a reasonable and more manageable goal of half the Qur'an.

And now that things have slowed down enough to catch my breath and each a sandwhich in the late afternoon instead of 9:30 PM, I wanted to share what I came up with this year!

We spent quite a lot of time and energy on the Ramadhan goodies we wanted to share with neighbors. Both girls helped me bake sugar cookies (some we cut into stars, some we rolled in sprinkles, some we imprinted with flowers). We also made peanut butter-pretzel-chocolate "truffles" (it sounds so much daintier that way!). Below you'll see Princess Buttercup crushing the pretzels in a ziplock bag.

                                      


When we finished all the treats, we put them in little glass jars labeled with "Ramadhan Greetings" for neighbors and "Ramadhan blessings" for Muslim friends. Unpictured: we also made a few jars with candles, gemstones and sparkles for friends to light at iftar time.

Then it was time to pass them out! It was a little anti-climactic to see that many neighbors weren't home, or some just wouldn't come to the door. But we had fun distributing these goodies with the simple explanation that we are celebrating Ramadhan and would like to share some treats with our neighbors. No one asked any questions, so I didn't offer any. I just wanted a nice and kind gesture instead of overwhelming people with religiosity if they had no interest to hear it. There were some big smiles as people were surprised, and that to me is very valuable.


                                      

                              We didn't have a little red wagon, but we do have a cooler on wheels!

                                     

Next up: the advent style calendar. I had already used my masjid and stars poster for 2 years and wanted to try something new. With a bit of Pinteresting, I was inspired to make this! There are almost 30 different little envelopes, each one containing a Ramadhan challenge--simple things the girls could achieve throughout the course of the day.

Here are some of the ones I put in the pouches. At the end of the day, we would review the challenge, and then they were rewarded with a little treat, from halal swedish fish to chocolates. The envelopes couldn't hold anything more than a little piece of paper, so I stored the treats on a high shelf and brought it down at iftar.

Spur of the moment Ramadhan Roses....I think this is another keeper! 

Un-pictured: our fairy lights. I bought new lights this year instead of the same 'ol white X-mas tree lights that I've been using for the past 7 years. I've been a bit cheap with those, and it was time to take the plunge and buy something decent! I bought enough to wrap around the entire living room, and alhamdulellah I am happy with the result!

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I really feel like we all worked hard this Ramadhan! The kids were patient with us when we had low energy, and we were really feeling the thirst and hunger! I did a few themed crafts with the kids, including hanging moon and stars sun-catchers, and a zakat purse.

I did NOT get to finish my Qur'an, but alhamdulellah for the chance to make things meaningful for kids and relatable for neighbors and non-Muslims, inshallah!

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More (somewhat random) things I learned along the way this month:

--these little projects aren't cheap!

--Ramadhan is another of Allah's tools to help us learn TIME MANAGEMENT....and I'm sorry to say, I think I'm still getting a "C" in that class....but I pray that Allah will help me improve before its too late!!

--you can do proper food combining during Ramadhan by breaking your fast with a bowl of fruit, waiting an hour (while you pray, read Qur'an, relax) and then continuing on to something more substantial. I only managed to do this one night, but it felt good!

--I felt the most energy in the 30 minutes before iftar, so I also chose that time to do some cardio yoga b/c otherwise I wouldn't get in much exercise during Ramadhan, and it worked great!

--Two words: moon calculations It helps save SO MUCH confusion and discord in the community!! Folks, haven't we had enough staying up until 3 AM to decide that today is in fact Eid? Aren't there reliable moon calculators that ACCURATELY predict the phase of the moon, even if the sky is cloudy? If we ever want to have Eid recognized as an official holiday--one that ALL Muslims celebrate together, we have got to embrace moon calculations! (Allah knows best.).

I pray that everyone's fasts brought them closer to their Lord and Maker, and that some of the ideas here will be useful for you in the following Ramadhans to come inshallah. :)

April Musings

Alhamdulellah, I find myself with a bit of time to come and reflect on this beautiful green but chilly and damp month!

April is my birth month, and this year I celebrate the big 3-0!! It seems a big deal to me. It took 30 years for me to be as I am, learn what I have learned, be where I find myself today.

One fun thing is that I no longer feel shy to be more "ladylike". I don't know why but before, I always felt that I should be more tomboyish, and that dressing ladylike was for older women. Now I know that its all these silly labels we put on people and numbers. If you want to dress dignified and classy, then do it! I think I used to feel guilty before, thinking that it is somehow too dunya-oriented to do so. Now I know that it doesn't matter what you own, or how you dress (to some extent): what matters is what owns YOU, your behavior, how you treat others, how attached you become to things, and how much you can maintain a connection to Allah while living your normal daily life.

So I am celebrating a lot of the beautiful designs I see from INAYAH! I love how elegant and beautiful and modern and classy the models look, with clothes that are LONG and LOOSE! Its awesome! I am celebrating by getting mah greedy lil paws on it!



The awesome thing is that I needed a dress for going to a wedding, and now that I have purchased one from INAYAH, I won't need to layer a jacket or anything!! I'm so exited about that! It arrived today, and the fit is perfect--it is fitted enough to let me feel like a female, but not tight enough to make me feel self-conscious. I am looking forward to wearing it. :)

Other April Musings:

I was re-reading my hijab protocols from a previous post, and I've decided that really, we can have a general set of guidelines, but that every woman is a little different and will internalize and actualize hijab in her own individual way.

Example: a friend of mine with very very light skin, and light colored eyes told me recently that she just can't wear any eye makeup outside, to mixed weddings and such because it really brings a lot of attention to her eyes! But those of us with darker skin and eyes can get a way with a bit of makeup while still looking pretty natural. I love that we don't need a blanket set of conduct to appreciate a general rule of modesty.

But that makes me realize even more that while we must use a strong sense of moral judgement to understand what is best for us to do, we can't judge others if they color outside of our lines. Like, I know I wrote that wearing 6 inch heels= major sex appeal, so they must be avoided. I would still follow that rule for myself, and I wouldn't encourage my daughters to wear them, per se, but I wouldn't immediately look at a muhajibah and then see her shoes and gasp: "oh! she doesn't have good hijab!" I just pray that everyday, I am doing my best to do things properly, and that instead of focusing on others I am working hard on myself. :)

Great Books and Resources

Assalamu Alaikum!

I've read some great books recently, with the kids and by myself. So here are some recent recommendations:

The Prince's Breakfast by Joanne Oppenheim


I found this book at the read-a-long section of my library. The story is so fun to listen to, especially since it is read by Hugh Bonnoville (Downton Abbey), so that is an extra little treat for my senses as I picture Lord Grantham rading about a little prince who is so picky he refuses the most alluring treats. His distraught parents take him on a food tour around the world, but each time the Prince turns his nose at the exotic delicacies offered to the royal family. There is a silver lining though, when a certain condiment is introduced to the prince, which makes every item on the menu appetizing (finally!)

I like this book b/c there is a happy ending for the parents of the picky eaters. I've read too many other books that merely introduce the idea of pickiness to children (WHY on God's green earth would you want to do that!???!!), and then leave the kids with this bad lesson. Since the prince eventually discovers a taste for all foods, I give this book a thumbs up!



Chica Chica Boom Boom by Bill Martin, Jr. and Bill Archaumbault



Princess Buttercup really enjoyed the lyrics and rhymes and rhythm of this story when she listened to it on CD. I wasn't in love with it myself, but it was sweet to hear her walk up to a window and absently recite the ABC song by heart. The tale follows the alphabet as they race each other up a coconut tree. There are several readings on the CD, and it even has a song that reads the ABC backwards. I list this story here b/c my almost 5 year old really enjoyed repeating the rhythm!


Longbourn by Jo Baker



I've read all of Jane Austen's novels and have watched Pride & Prejudice many times over. So when I saw this novel about the servants who live at Longbourn and serve the Bennett family, I couldn't refuse! The story follows one of the young ladies employed by the Bennetts, and how her perception of herself and what she wants from life changes when she meets a handsome but mysterious new stable boy (I know, I know that sounds really cliche). I thought it was fascinating to hear Ms. Baker detail the day-to-day work of cleanliness, cooking, and survival! I have always wondered about the back-story to life during the Napoleanic Wars--how did women groom themselves? How did one use the bathroom? But it would be such an injustice to Longbourn if I said the novel only details the work of servants. Its about the world view of society at the time; its taking the microscope of Lizzie's keen eyes and turning it up one a notch, so that instead of merely seeing the snobbery of the nobility as compared to the gentle, if struggling, middle class, we see the snobbery of everyone above the serving class! I thought it was fresh, realistic, and eye-opening.


Sisters of Shiloh by Becky Hepinstall Hilliker and Kathy Hepinstall



Don't get fooled by the flower on the cover! This is NOT a nice, relaxing bed-time read. Its the story of a sister, haunted by the memory of her husband's commitment to the Confederate Army and the cause of the South, who sneaks away to join the army, only to be shadowed by her older sister who cannot bear to see her walk into danger alone. Its a gripping story of sister-hood, longing, refining our values, trust, survival, and of course, love. It follows the sisters through dirty and cold experiences of camp life to the dangerous and gory battle grounds. It was very well written, and a fun read despite all the blood and violence b/c it takes place in my current home state!

And now for helpful resources:

Settling Limits for Your Strong Willed Child by Robert J. Mackenzie



This is a FABULOUS guide for parents who have strong-willed children. Trust me, you KNOW if you have a strong-willed child if he or she ignored your requests multiple times. I love the concepts presented in this book b/c its about maintaining respect, NOT dominating your child's spirit or crushing it or making them into little obedient minions. Its about very clearly and effectively communicating expectations and teaching children to make GOOD CHOICES.

Man. It is SO HUMBLING, so frustrating to feel like as a parent, you just don't know HOW to parent your child!!! It can drive you straight up the wall. But none of that is going to help your child learn good behavior; it just leaves you feeling guilty, drained, disrespected, and disconnected from your child.

If you feel like that give this book a good read!

Discipline That Works By Kirk Martin



A very dear friend lent me this CD set and,,,I tell you, I had NO IDEA I was sitting on a golden treasure! The CD's are a much shorter listen than sitting to read a book, so if you are pressed for time, pop one of these babies into a CD player and fold s pile of laundry while you give yourself an edu-ma-cation! The take-aways are very similar to the book outlined above. You may laugh at yourself when Kirk mentions things we as parents have done to dig our own traps. Its amazing that we can do such simple things that can still be effective!!!

Check out more excellent resources on the website: http://celebratecalm.com/

I hope you enjoy and find these books and resources as helpful as I have!!

Spring!

The Spring Peepers have been serenading me these last few weeks with their beautiful chirping songs...the daffodils have been peeping through the layers of dead leaves, and the moss growing in the middle of our swampy backyard suddenly glows fluorescent green, imbued with new life.

I've cleaned our my pantry, gathering all the little dibs and dabs of dry crumbs and stale crackers and un-toasted acorns for the critters of the swamp. My offerings disappeared within hours! (The acorns were from the fall, I was going to toast them into acorn meal and make coffee and cookies out of them, but the process is very lengthy, the last thing I need to do with 2 littles ones right now. But who knows, maybe next year!)

I've cleaned our my art cabinets. All the random little paper clips, unwanted key chains, half dried up tubes of paint, and dried up play dough have finally been set aside for trash! The shelves are no longer jam-packed with every kind of odds and ends. They are all filled, but not over-flowing. The temporary harmony is a welcome surprise every time I open the cabinet door.

The old lamps in my bedroom have been replaced. I used to have those tapping lights, but somehow, when I plug in two lamps operate by touch instead of by a switch, they become connected circuit-wise, and when you touch one at night to read a book, the other one flickers, or spontaneously turns one at its brightest setting! It feels good to have a simple, functioning lamp at my side!

I've cleaned out my closet, removing things that I used to wear 10 or more years ago, but of which I have tired: things not very flattering, things that don't fit well, things of which I own multiples, and things that got kinda worn out, like my nubby scarves. Bags I never use.

I'm making room in my life for art, for beauty, for things we need, and food we enjoy. I am looking forward to creating, to painting, to owning less but more elegant and substantial clothes that reflect my true style rather than just catch my eye in a sales bin. I'm looking forward to more authenticity, more intentional living, and more grace this year! Happy spring, and happy Eideh Norooz. May it be a new day--a new leaf--for all!

Love,
Lady Eowyn

All Natural Medicine Cabinet

Assalamu Alaikum!

I've been slowly accumulating more natural and healthy alternatives to the standard OTC medicines out there, so I want to share some of my favorite items below. As always, these remedies don't take the place of proper sleep, rest, nutrition, and exercise! It is difficult to tell when a homeopathic medicine is working b/c it is not filled with lots of sugar or alcohol or things that have immediate and dramatic effects, but I have felt the difference and seen it in my children.

Elderberry Syrup

When everyone around you is getting sick and you just want to bolster your child's immune system, try Elderberry syrup. You can try it for adults, too:

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Boiron Cold or Flu Calm

When the first symptoms of a cold or flu appear, pop a few of these tablets (follow specific instructions). Boiron offers homeopathic remedies for both cold and flu. I found mine at Trader Joe's.

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Garlic Drops

If your young child has a runny nose and they are pre-disposed to getting ear infections, try garlic drops. When my eldest daughter was still a young toddler she got multiple ear infection and suffered from the antibiotics b/c the bacteria were developing resistance. Then a friend told me about garlic drops, and since I started using them we have never had any ear infections!!! Alhamdulellah. If a young toddler or baby has a runny nose, I simple give one or two drops, two or three times a day, to help prevent an infection from developing in their under-developed ear canals. This has been one of the BEST natural items in my medicine cabinet!! You an also make your own in a pinch, following these instructions: http://wellnessmama.com/58936/garlic-olive-oil-for-ear-infection/

Nose Frida

When the little ones have tons of mucus and congestion, I bust out my nose frida. A good friend introduced this one to me as well, but I was skeptical at first. I was concerned that I'd be ingesting some of that stuff, but I was assured that no such thing would happen. Instead, I had the satisfaction of watching all that wretched material exit the little nostrils of my uncomfortable children, this leaving them less at risk to developing a nasty sinus infection up there. Before I used it, I would spray some saline nose spray in each nostril first. You can't use the nose frida too often b/c the membranes of the nose are quiet delicate and you don't want to agitate it too much.

Umcka

If you have a cold or flu, try Umcka. It will help your body heal faster, not just mask the symptoms. Dr. Christiane Northrup of Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom mentioned it in one of her books as a wonderful natural remedy. Its safe for pregnant and nursing mothers, which makes it wonderful to have on hand!

And now for essential oils.

Coughs & Congestion

When someone is stuffed up or has a cough, I mix 2-3 drops of eucalyptus essential oil with about a tablespoon of carrier oil, such as jojoba or coconut, and rub it on the chest and the soles of feet. (Never use essential oil undiluted! Never leave them within reach of children. Never ingest them unless you have consulted a professional, they are powerful and can cause damage internally!)

Virus

When my children have a virus, I mix 2-3 drops of four thieves essential oil (also known as on-guard) with a tablespoon of carrier oil, and rub it on the soles of the feet, or pit a few drops on a tissue so they can just inhale it. This mix has cloves, lemon, rosemary, eucalyptus, and cinnamon in it.

Fever

When my children have a fever, I use lavender essential oil, or peppermint, in the same way described above (mixing with a carrier oil), and apply it to their feet and the base of their spine. A few drops of lavender oil on their pillow  helps them sleep at night, especially if they aren't feeling well and are restless.

A diffuser might be excellent for using some of these! I don't have one so I just put a few drops of the desired oil straight into my inexpensive cool mist humidifier.

Additional items to keep on hand, especially if you have young ones:

Arnica

Toddlers are bruise magnets! The sharp corner of the wall or the pointy edge of the table--those are what I notice first when I enter a new space. The are the first things my kids' heads are likely to contact as they start running around. Keep this little homeopathic tube on hand to treat bruises and achy muscles, it helps them heal faster and deal a bit with the pain!

Activated Charcoal

This natural detoxifier is important to keep on hand as a first aid for poison control! It absorbs whatever toxin your child may have ingested. I suggest buying a bag of loose charcoal, and not the capsule, so you don't have to mess around with the capsule (I know my kids would not swallow such a capsule). In case of emergency, mix a bit with water and squirt it into your child's mouth using those little medicine syringes that come with fever reducer meds. It is DEFINITELY messy if you decide to go with the loose, powder form instead of the capsule, but that is just my own personal preference. (The bonus is that you can use it for other health and beauty fixes).

I hope these items help you as much as they have helped me! :)

Favorite Books

I have a confession: I LOVE children's books!!! Specifically, I love looking at the pictures of children's books. I borrow as many as I can from the library for my own pleasure. Here are some favorites, both to own in the house for the good messages, and to just enjoy the pictures or story.

To Teach Behavior

Potty by Leslie Patricelli
I've looked through several potty books for kids and really liked this one:



Leslie's drawings and words are very, very simple, which is awesome b/c you don't need a lot of complicated explanations!


No No Yes Yes by Lesli Patricelli
More very simple instructions on acceptable behavior, and unacceptable behavior! For example: dumping a bowl of food on your head? No No! Eating nicely from said bowl? Yes yes. I found mine at Marshall's for like $3 and its been worth it!


For the Joy of the Pictures

Mossy by Jan Brett
I LOVE moss so it was important to check out this book, and the illustrations do NOT disappoint!! Its the story of a little Eastern Box Turtle who starts growing a wild garden on her back. This wild display attracts the attention of both a handsome young turtle, and an aspiring museum owner! I loved looking at all the different moss types illustrated so carefully.



Molly and the Magic Wishbone by Barbara McClintock
Barbara McClintock's tiny details and gentle kitty cat characters were so charming. I am not crazy about all the reference to magic in children's books, but I was willing to overlook it for the adorable cat family's children. You can also check out her other books, including Dahlia.






To Teach Islam

Golden Domes and Silver Lanterns by Hena Khan
I was so excited when my mom borrowed this book from her library for my girls! I ended up buying Princess Buttercup her own copy, and we recently had it signed by the author! It takes us through a Muslim girl exploring her Islamic heritage, from her mom's blue hijab to the golden domes of the local masjid,



Aminah and Aisha's Eid Gifts by Fawzia Gillani-Williams
This is a very touching story about a Muslim family who think of other's needs during the exciting time of Eid. I really appreciated the message and thought it made a wonderful story. It was well-written, which doesn't always happen when we are looking at Muslim books for children, unfortunately. However, I am hoping there will be a whole new era of great Muslim children's books! You can find this on Amazon.



My Little Golden Book About God by Jane Werner Watson
(Illustrated by Eloise Wilkin)
This next one is one of my all-time favorites!!! I use the word "Allah" where it says God, and it honestly sounds like it was written by a Muslim. It provides a great spiritual overview of our relationship to Allah, the Creator, who is still loving and near. Eloise Wilkin's very innocent illustrations really make this book. To me, it captures the purity of children, and the beauty and innocence of their little hearts. I also love this book b/c I very vividly remember reading it as a child. Or rather, I don't remember reading it at all, but I remember the pictures!

Parenting Update

Over the last year, I've made so many desperate calls to friends and family wiser than I in regards to better parenting techniques! I've done it in moments of sheer desperation, when I felt like a total pushover or failure, because I didn't know how to manage my child.

But guess what?

Right now, sitting on my couch at the end of the day, I feel like I have suddenly seen a big change in both my children AND myself! And that is something to acknowledge, celebrate, and share!!

I'm not saying I'm a perfect parent (is there such a thing?), or that I have the most well-behaved children. But I do see an improvement from before, and I want to share what I feel contributed to these improvements.

1.) Say what you mean, mean what you say.
So many times we try to threaten our kids into doing what we want. But we use a false threat, like saying that if they don't get dressed they'll stay home alone, or skip dinner, or something else we are not actually planning on doing!! So stop using false threats! If you say it, DO IT. And if you don't plan on acting on it, DON'T SAY IT. Kids are so smart and they really pick up on it!

2.) No more "1-2-3"
It was becoming second nature for me and Faramir to start counting "1-2-3" when we told our kids to do something. "I want you using the bathroom RIGHT NOW!...ONE...........twoooooooo......." It got to the point where I was almost always counting. But basically, what I was saying was, here is a brief window of time where its OK to ignore my request. So we no longer do the "1-2-3." Instead, I make a request, and I immediately expect them to follow through. I'm not building in any dissent into my request!

3.) Choices & consequences
One really nice thing that has worked is presenting the request with options. I say, "you can either do X by yourself, or I can help you do it. Which do you choose?" Sometimes, my kid will immediately ask for my help. And sometimes, knowing that I am on her tail, she will immediately say that she will do it by herself! It has been incredibly helpful!

4.) Articulate some family rules.
After 100 times of slapping my own forehead when I saw my kids doing something ridiculously mean or unsafe, I decided to draw up a family rule chart. I kept it short and simple, with only 5 rules and pictures to accompany them. Anytime I see my child doing something "bad", I point to the rules and remind her: "what you are doing is bad/ dangerous/ mean/ selfish/ dirty/ etc. In our family, we have a rule to always do X." The pictures are very helpful for my oldest. The youngest has to learn through trial and error, but she is also picking up!

5.) Be consistent.
I guess I was too lazy or lackadaisical with my time-outs before. I couldn't do it to a cute little 2 year old. Or, I would use a public and well-lit part of the house, so it wasn't a big deal. Now, when my oldest is doing something particularly dangerous or disrespectful, I will warn her ONCE that if she continues, there will be specific consequences, like time out alone in the basement. She hates it so it is a perfect opportunity to provide a deterrence! My youngest is too little to be sent to the basement, but I DO give her timeouts and warnings so that it is fair for both children. And if I say I am going to give a timeout, I act on it for sure!

These are basic parenting steps I've read here and there, but its amazing how hard it can be to follow through if you are in an unhealthy groove. By the same token, they are simple changes to make and I really appreciate how helpful they have been in communicating values to the kids!!!

Also, I try to be gentle, clear, loving, and explain things to my kids (duh! I know most of us do! :p). By that, I mean that I try to stay away from SHAMING little ones when they have done something bad, unless it was on purpose and very destructive or dangerous. You might remember my potty-training rage with Princess Buttercup earlier. It was challenging, and there are still some incidents. But overall, she has improved SO MUCH when I calmly choose to take care of the mess instead of getting angry with her!!! She feels proud of herself for her accomplishments, as she should. And so do I! But I also feel proud of myself for keeping an even temper (most of the time). And when I back off, it gives her a chance to express her own regret and take responsibility! She'll apologize for something she has done, and even make suggestions for improvements, like helping to clean up, or promising that next time she will use the toilet.

I feel so thankful for the little changes I see in my parenting and how my children respond, and so thankful for the sources of inspiration, whether a trusted friend or a new book. Here's to more peace in our homes and more treasured moments with our children!

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What are some of your best discoveries about parenting techniques?